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 I’m
on a new crusade.
Last fall, I spoke at a Courage conference. Courage
is a network of support groups, based on prayer and
the twelve steps, to help Catholics with a homosexual
orientation who wish to live chastely. Many of these
people struggle mightily with their attractions, and
Courage is a lifeline for them.
Earlier, I’d written a series of articles on masturbation.
In the wake of that series, I received a lot of mail
— from people who agreed with me, from people who disagreed,
from people who apparently think I make up this sexual
morality stuff all by myself. But most touching was
the mail from people who struggle with all types of
sexual sin.
I was struck by the number of single people I discovered
who were struggling to regain the virtue of chastity
after having been sexually active. These people were,
and are, having a very difficult time. They’re attracted
to chastity. They understand the meaning of human sexuality,
and they want desperately to respect it. But the pull
of previous habits is very, very strong. And they don’t
know where to turn.
I have to confess that, in my fourteen years of chastity
ministry, I’ve underestimated the seriousness of this
problem. I give my little talks and write my little
books, and I say over and over that anyone can live
a chaste future, regardless of their past. And I throw
out a few little platitudes about the importance of
prayer and staying out of tempting situations, the I’m
on to the next topic.
I’m beginning to realize that isn’t enough.
The human sex drive is complex. It’s all tied into our
psycho-emotional selves, our self-image and our hunger
for love. When something inside is “off,” it often manifests
itself as an accelerated sex drive. In fighting sexual
temptation, we’re often facing demons we can’t even
begin to understand. And even for the healthiest of
people, commencing sexual activity apparently trips
something inside which is very, very difficult to shut
back off.
Unfortunately, a lot of single people are discovering
that the hard way.
I want so desperately to help these people. I want them
to experience the deep inner joy that comes from real
interior and exterior chastity. I want them to have
healthy relationships and happy marriages. I want them
to set sin aside so they can experience real intimacy
with God.
Yes, prayer is the answer. Yes, the power comes from
God, not us. But I think a lot of people need help and
direction to find their way to God, to find their way
to that kind of prayer, and to make the grace-inspired
changes in their lives that will make chastity “stick”
for them.
A friend of mine made an interesting suggestion. What
about a Courage-type group for single, heterosexual
men and women who want to return to lives of chastity?
Would it help them to have support where they could
admit their powerlessness, rely on God, share their
struggles and receive spiritual direction?
This is where you come in. I’d like to hear from single
adults who are struggling with this, or who have struggled
with this. Do you think groups like this would be helpful?
Would you personally get in-volved? Would you be comfortable
sharing your struggle in a confidential group setting?
If not, would the benefits be worth the effort to overcome
your discomfort? Please, log on to my web site at www.reallove.net
— right now — and tell me what you think.
Help me find out if God is really behind this idea.
Mary Beth Bonacci can be reached at
Real Love, Inc.
6732 W. Coal Mine Ave.,
#228, Littleton, CO 80123.
Visit her website at www.reallove.net.
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