Scenario:

Your friend Margaret is sick with an aggressive cancer. She’s never really had much faith and was a nominal Christian at best. Now, however, she’s ready to give the Christian God a chance. Unfortunately, you sense that He will only get a “passing grade” if He heals her disease. Now Margaret has asked you to pray with her for a complete healing. You have no objection to this, but you also want to help her accept the possibility that God may not will her healing. How can you explain to her the compatibility of her sickness with God’s unfailing love for her? What do you do?

I had an experience very similar to this. A friend of mine was dying and continually prayed for healing. Unfortunately, it never came, and she passed away. It was difficult to hear her occasional bitterness towards God during her illness: “Why isn’t He answering my prayers? Why has He healed other people, and not me?” In those instances, I thought it was better just to listen to her and not to offer any explanation. She wasn’t in the state of mind to hear complicated theological arguments for how a compassionate God could allow her to suffer. Sometimes, it’s best to listen and pray and let the Holy Spirit take care of the rest. 
In the scenario described, I think I would tell Margaret that God does answer prayer, but it’s not always in the way that we’re expecting. I don’t think I’d elaborate beyond that unless she asked. It’s enough for her to understand that prayer works, but that it doesn’t necessarily work the way we think it will.

After that, I’d pray for her healing — both spiritual and physical. What more can be done?

Sandra Usher, New York, NY

First, I would explain to her the value of suffering (maybe even lend her Peter Kreeft’s book Making Sense Out of Suffering). She needs to understand that suffering frees us from attachment to this world and its material things. The most deep and profound spiritual time of my life came in a period of great physical and emotional suffering. It was almost as if the pain blocked out all the other distractions and forced me to focus on my relationship to God. In fact, if it weren’t for Margaret’s disease, she probably wouldn’t be interested in God at all. That’s real value.

I’d also explain to her that this world is short and temporary. We’ll all die at some point (though I probably wouldn’t say that to her in those same words). The great hope of the Christian is in everlasting life, not earthly life. We can’t get to that eternal life, though, without passing out of this life. In that way, death is like a doorway, leading us to complete intimacy with Him Who saves us. 

Finally, I’d tell Margaret that when we pray, we should be seeking God’s will first and foremost. Our will is unimportant and, all too often, wrong. God knows what’s best for us. If His plan includes our going to see Him earlier than we thought, so much the better. It would be a silly thing to pray for something that wasn’t in line with God’s will. He loves us too much to give us something that would hurt us — even when we ask for it. 

Karl Vorsteller, Cincinnati, OH

I think that I’d be as confident as I could be in praying with her. Prayer really does work! I’ve seen people healed of numerous sicknesses — including cancer. If we really stand firm on the promises that God gives us in Scripture, we can be at peace with a healing. True faith produces results. Jesus said that whatever we ask for in prayer, believing that we received it, that thing will be ours. Since faith comes from God, He will give us the faith to be healed.

Now, at the same time, that doesn’t mean God will heal us every time we pray for it. Obviously, there will be at least one time when we won’t receive a healing. However, I think that at those times, God won’t give us the complete faith to be healed. Since it’s not His desire that we be free from that ailment, He wouldn’t inspire us with that same unshakeable faith. It’s in those times when we have to be at peace and confess that God knows best.

Don Hughes, Reston, VA

Margaret needs to understand that God isn’t some kind of cosmic Santa Claus, dealing out gifts to all who ask for them. It’s true that God answers every prayer, but the outcome might not be what she’s expecting. Maybe the best gift God could give her is a peaceful, faithful death. That’s certainly better than living a life apart from God. 
The best attitude to have toward God when one is praying is gratitude. Be grateful that God is hearing your prayers. Be grateful that you have the power and the voice to pray (in Jesus’ name). And be grateful for whatever way God answers the prayer. 

Gerry Breene, Lowell, MA

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