Jesus Loves the Single Children

I think that, for each of us, there’s at least one question we dread being asked. For mothers, it’s “Was this pregnancy plann-ed?” For youth ministers, it’s “When will you get a real job?” For single people, it’s “Why aren’t you married?”

I’ve wracked my brain, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what kind of answer people expect. Are they hoping to hear some inner secret? “I have hideous personality flaws.” (Note: I don’t . . . at least I don’t think so.) Are they looking for gossip? “I’m homosexual.” (Note: I’m not.) Or a sad story, perhaps? “Gee, I can’t figure it out myself. Do you think it’s my hair?”

I’ve never heard anyone ask a married person, “So, why aren’t you single?” If she were asked, she’d probably slap the person and say, “Because I fell in love and got married, you idiot!” But when we say, “Because I didn’t fall in love with anyone I thought I should marry,” we’re obviously too picky. Apparently, if we’re not married by thirty, it’s time to settle.

The other obvious answer is, “Gee, I guess God has different plans for me right now.” That usually elicits a knowing look that says, “I see. You’re homosexual/desperate/ hideously-flawed and don’t want to talk about it.”
I know that the family is the basis of society, and that a good marriage is a wonderful and holy thing. I may marry someday, myself. But there are certain advantages to being single; advantages that one might imagine God would use among those who trust Him.

Take me, for instance. Do you think I would have been able to travel around the world, write books, and teach hundreds of thousands of people about chastity, if I had married at twenty-two? Not that I realized that at the time, mind you. I was thinking, “Hmm, nobody to marry at the moment. Maybe I’ll teach this chastity thing until somebody comes along.” Apparently, however, God knew more than He was letting on.

Other single Catholics may not be teaching the world about chastity. But they’re getting involved in youth ministry. They’re taking care of their aging parents. They’re making a difference in their communities.

Single people always ask me, “Whose fault is it that I’m single — mine or God’s?” In most cases, I have no clue (in other cases, it’s pretty obvious; but that’s another column). The point is, that God writes straight with crooked lines. Maybe there are more single adult Catholics these days because there’s a crisis in faith; maybe that makes it harder for holy people to find each other. Maybe it’s because the family is falling apart, and Catholics are scared like everybody else. Maybe it’s because there are less priests, so God needs more people with free time to help out. I don’t know.

All I know is that God is still God, and He’s Lord of the single as well as the married. We’re all put here to share His love, and that’s where we’ll find fulfillment. Single people may do that in a different way but, if it’s done right, it’s no less fulfilling and no less important.

Attention, single people: Stop obsessing over what you don’t have, and start concentrating on what you do have, and all of the good you can do with it.
And, married people: stop asking the single people why they’re not married. You may not mean to, but you’re giving them the impression that you consider their lives somehow inferior to yours.
And you’re kinda freaking them out.

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Mary Beth Bonacci can be reached at Real Love, Inc., PMB 190, 9457 S. University Blvd., Littleton, CO 80126. Visit her Web site at www.reallove.net