Jesus in My Life - Kristine Franklin

Through Weakness, Christ Makes Her Strong
Meet Dorothy Turnbloom.

Dorothy maneuvered her wheelchair across the kitchen and poured me some coffee. "You know, Kris," she said, "this disease isn't easy." She smiled and handed me the cup. "But it is such a gift! I feel so loved by Jesus. It's hard to explain." I asked her to please try. May you be blessed by the secret of her joy. — KLF

I had my toddler by the hand and the baby on my hip when I went into the office to pick up my paycheck. While I was chatting with one of my coworkers, I felt my full bladder let go. I had no time to react, no time to stop it. The urine soaked my jeans as I stood there stunned and humiliated. I left as quickly as I could, strapped the boys into their car seats and cried all the way home. It hadn't been long since my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. I'd known bladder control might be one of the things to go, but so soon? I was barely adjusting to all the other symptoms: the extreme fatigue, weakness, numbness, the increasing clumsiness. I cleaned up, changed my clothes and threw myself down on the bed. In my anger and frustration, I lashed out at Jesus.

"So you experienced everything we did," I cried. "How about this humiliation? How can you possibly know what it's like to wet yourself in front of friends and strangers?" Immediately, I thought of Jesus on the Cross. He hung there for hours, naked, vulnerable and exposed. Had He needed to empty His bladder? If so, and I reasoned it was likely, He'd known even greater humiliation than I. His suffering was mine. I clung to His passion and united myself to Him there and then. It's the only way to live.

As the disease worsened, I lost my job and we lost our house. For awhile, I could walk with a cane, but that didn't last. Bit by bit, my limbs are becoming useless. Someday I'll be paralyzed. It may be in a few years, it may be in 10 or 15 years, but short of a miracle, it's going to happen. That's a lot to think about every day. Through it all, Jesus, Who knows firsthand all about suffering, is my Comforter and my Guide. He helps me find joy in each moment.

Still, there are times when I'm tempted to despair. Jesus shares His strength with me. Once, I was in the hospital and lost all bladder and bowel control. I couldn't shower myself because I was too weak. Jesus sent me a student nurse who cared for me with the same tenderness and love she would have shown to Him. It was a lesson to me in receiving the gift of help. I've also been strengthened by the sacrament of Marriage, even as I've had to learn to depend on my husband to lift me in and out of the tub or turn me over in bed. Jesus transforms what seems miserable on the outside into a blessing and a gift and a way to receive His love.

My love for Jesus puts meaning in every aspect of my life. I feel His presence all the time. I am so blessed! God has given me three wonderful boys and a husband who loves me no matter how weak I am — Jesus demonstrates His love through them. I've realized that I don't need arms and legs that work in order to have a full life, a life full of love. In a strange way, I've gained by the loss of my health. I have a deeper and better sense of my Savior's incredible love for me, and I long more than ever to see Him face to face.