What Would You Do? - Our Readers

It's a Not So Wonderful Young Life.
What would you do in this situation? Readers solve the dilemma.

The scenario
Anna is a committed Catholic whose youngest child, Sarah, has been invited to attend the local Young Life group, which is a Protestant Evangelical youth ministry. The Young Life group has over a hundred teens in their program, which includes a weekly Bible study, and a host of social activities like ski trips and bonfires. Most of Sarah's friends in school go to Young Life, which is hosted by the area Baptist church. Anna's parish does not have a youth group, only CCD classes. The closest Catholic youth group, Life Teen, is located an hour away. It is very successful and effective at evangelization of youth. Anna wants Sarah to be active in her Faith, but is afraid the Young Life group may lead her daughter out of the Church. She's concerned that her daughter will associate a "good time" with "truth." She wonders whether she should allow Sarah to attend. What should she do? What would you do?

I am the father of four boys. One joined a similar Protestant youth group when approximately 14-16 years of age. He was even elected president of the youth group. He hasn't entirely lost his Faith, but I feel that even having received a "good Catholic education" from K-8, he was influenced by the principles espoused by the group.

Another son of mine joined the group three years later at approximately the same age and with the same background. He no longer goes to Mass, except on rare occasions.

How Anna's daughter will fare is of course uncertain. There are many variables. I would advise her to weigh the risk against the possible outcome. My first reaction is in favor of not allowing her daughter to participate, and to work to establish some kind of youth group at their parish level. If she does participate in Young Life, the mother should encourage her daughter to share with her the daughter's ideas on basic Catholic doctrines. If the mother discovers erroneous ideas, get out the Catechism and see what the Church defines. Clarify the issues as they come up so the child does not confuse Catholic doctrine with Protestant theology.

Also have her watch Jeff Cavins on EWTN. He moderates a very fine youth program each week called "Life on The Rock."

Being a parent concerned with the spiritual welfare of our children is not easy.
Gene Cook, Warren, OH

I would do whatever it took to get my daughter to the Life Teen group one hour away. Surely if there is not an active teen group at her parish, there are at least one or two other parents who are facing the same dilemma, and you could carpool. Even though she may not know others there right now, when you share the same faith, there is an immediate bond which will be much greater support than that which she gets from "social" groups.

In my area, many Catholics have started going to the local Methodist church because they have a great youth program. Unfortunately, they don't realize what they're giving up by leaving the Faith. They're just going there out of convenience and the attraction of an active community. Another unfortunate situation is that the local Catholic churches seem to want to compete with the Protestant churches, and are providing lots of entertainment and only the "God Loves You" theology. Consequently, people are going where it's the most fun.

Personally, my family bypasses all this to go 40 minutes away to a Tridentine Mass (in union with Rome), because there we find the people are serious about their Faith, and, in the midst of such chaos in the Church, the teachings there are authentically Catholic. We have families who come regularly, serve on the parish council, teach CCD, etc., who live 1 to 1 1/2 hours away. When it comes to your soul and that of your family, what sacrifice is too great? Eternity is a long time. Linda A., Richmond, VA

I'm a junior in high school, and I am a faithful Catholic. My church has an okay youth group. It's got some work to do, and I'm right there, trying to help. But one of my biggest build-ups in faith has been Young Life. It is not, in my opinion, a "Protestant Evangelical" youth ministry. A lot of the leaders and teens in my local Young Life group are Catholic. I see Christ alive and well in them, and trust me, Young Life isn't all fun and games. A lot of the time they lay the truth on, thick. So maybe you should let Sarah give it a try. I did, and it's made all the difference in the world. Just make sure she still gets some good hard-core involvement within the good old Catholic Church, too.
Carolyn M. Torson, Naperville, IL

As the mom of a teenage daughter, I would let my daughter attend the Young Life meetings. If Anna has done her job as a Catholic parent, she needn't worry that her daughter will be lured away from the fullness of truth offered by the Catholic Church, including the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and the rest of the sacraments which our Protestant brethren do not have.

As for Life Teen, my daughter wouldn't walk across the street to a Life Teen Mass. She finds them to be a travesty — standing for the Consecration around the altar, changing the Creed to suit the music . . . At least Protestants have an excuse for such behavior, but she finds such open rebellion against the Magisterium to be sickening.

I don't think that any Catholic parent who has taken seriously Pope John Paul II's statements on parents being the primary educators of their children in the Faith, and has consecrated his or her child to Jesus and Mary needs to worry, but should instead have confidence that when the opportunity arises, his or her children will be happy to share what they as Catholics believe, based on Scripture and Tradition. Some of the best apologists I know are teenagers who have been properly instructed in the Faith by their parents.
Peggy Graham, Kerrville, TX

If I were Anna, I'd call the parish an hour away and get the phone number of the person in charge of the Life Teen program. I would then call that person and ask him or her how I could start a Life Teen program in my local church. The call of evangelization doesn't always come from God telling us in a clear voice to do something, like He did for St. Francis and Mother Teresa. His call doesn't always come in a well-delivered homily from the lips of our priest. His call sometimes comes through a situation just like this.
Dave Hart, Beavercreek, OH

First, the mother needs to take a serious look at her daughter's understanding of the Catholic Faith. If her knowledge is superficial, it will be much easier for her to be swayed by a non-Catholic youth group.

The ideal response would be to get a Catholic youth group together. Having done it, I can reflect and say that it's not so difficult to do. A lot of Catholic youth are hungering for a youth program that's meaningful.

Many get only the extended catechism class for confirmation preparation. They need to learn how to develop their talents as active members of the Church community.

A couple of adults who can relate to teens can get them started. Call a meeting (when we got no pastoral support, we simply said we'd do it at our homes instead, which brought about a miraculous change of heart). Invite all kids from the parish to come. Plan some activities that are interesting, but the primary goal is to ask the kids what they want and expect. We found the kids were not so interested in social events. They asked real, meaningful questions, like: "What is this religion really all about?" "Why do we celebrate the Mass the way we do?" "What can we do to get adults to know who we are instead of avoiding us?"

A well-run youth group is directed, not run, by adults. Our teens made a list of activities where they saw services needed: a monthly babysitting service for indigent parents, yard work for the elderly, painting lines in the parish parking lot, etc. They wanted to try a real retreat. They absolutely hated the idea of a "teen liturgy." And they wanted peer counseling programs, so when they had a problem, they had someone with common values to talk it over with. They liked knowing there are tangible "ground rules" to being a Catholic, and that it means more than just social justice programs.

Every parish should have an active youth program. If yours is too small, consider joining together with another small, nearby parish.

Can't find adults that will help? Ask the kids who they think would do it. You'd be surprised who might be willing to help!
Carol Lenc, Franklin, NJ

I would not allow my child to be fully active in the Baptist youth group. My reason is that I have friends (very close friends) who are Baptist. A lot of Baptists are anti-Catholic. My friend is always trying to tell me that I should leave the Catholic Faith. He tells me that we don't need our priests, and that we don't need to go to confession to them because Christ is our only mediator. Plus, they say our pope is the antichrist.

They also say we worship Mary, and they believe we're not saved because we're Catholic. Sending Sarah to Young Life would be putting a young, easily-influenced mind in the lion's den, so to speak.

I also have a sister and brother-in-law who are Jehovah's Witnesses. I've had to restudy my Faith so I could stand up to all of these anti-Catholic religions. I'm still learning how to deal with them. The devil has very clever ways to steal Catholics away from their Faith.

I would try and get a schedule for the Catholic youth group and get my child interested in that one. I would also talk to my parish priest to see about organizing one in my own parish. That way, my child would get to know more Catholic youth in his or her own area.
Dorothy A. Olley, Mifflinburg, PA

Three years ago, we moved from Ann Arbor to a much smaller town in Michigan. Just about that time, Young Life was starting at the local high school our oldest son attends. He participated sporadically the first year and went to camp. Many of my non-Catholic friends here are involved, and I decided if the Catholics in my parish were going to send kids to Young Life, then a Catholic presence was needed on the board. My husband and I volunteered, and have been serving for several months.

Theoretically, Young Life is not supposed to take the place of a church, but many of the kids they reach are unchurched. The official recommendation is that the kids be put in touch with their family's congregation or parish. Practically, at least in our town, this seems to be the case. The most active participants on the board and in town, though, are the Evangelical Free Church members, so many kids whose families don't go to church do go there. Of the Catholics I know, if the family is practicing, the kids stay with the family. As in this example, there isn't anything else for them locally. The two Catholic parishes we have are trying to hold onto the Catholic youth with a youth ministry, but even one of the leaders of that program has a son who prefers Young Life. Since we are newcomers to town, our son has few connections to the Catholic young people, so his interest in this youth ministry is nonexistent.

I'm not thrilled with the "entertainment" approach to evangelization which Young Life uses. It is very Protestant in its concept of salvation and "number of kids who made commitments to Jesus" counts. I'm not sure what impact I'll have on this group, but I did feel led to participate, and it may be that God has a plan I don't see at this time. I don't push Young Life on my son, but I prefer he spent time with high schoolers who are wholesome, which is one thing that can be said for the Young Lifers. I try to find opportunities for him to be involved with Catholic youth, but like so many kids his age, if his friends aren't doing it, he's not willing. When a retreat comes up at our former Ann Arbor parish, I can get him to go because he knows those people.

Other than that, I pray a lot, and trust in his good sense and God's grace.
Brigid Kowalczyk, Big Rapids, MI  

As the father of three teenagers, I would definitely not let my children attend Young Life, and I strongly advise other Catholic parents not to either. True, there are some positive aspects in Young Life, but the overriding problem is that it is overtly, aggressively Protestant. Catholics, especially susceptible young Catholics, are high-risk candidates for being lured into Protestantism. I know personally a number of good Catholic families who've watched in horror as their sons and daughters got caught up in Young Life and eventually left the Catholic Church for Evangelical Protestantism.

So what's the alternative? I recommend Matt Pinto's proven blueprint for success with young Catholics: "How to Start and Run a Catholic Youth Group." It's available for downloading at the Envoy Web site.
Patrick Madrid, Envoy Magazine  

Next issue's scenario Rick and Michelle have been married for 10 years. They're both in their early 30s and have three young children. A year ago, in spite of Rick's strong objections, Michelle began studying with Jehovah's Witnesses after they visited her at home one day. After months of seesawing between the Catholic Church and the Watchtower, she decided to become a JW.

Now strife reigns in their home. She refuses to allow the children to celebrate their birthdays, say Catholic prayers in her presence, or celebrate Christmas (JWs denounce these practices as "satanic"), and she threw away the crucifix they were given by her parents on their wedding day. Rick is standing fast in his Catholic Faith and isn't allowing the children to receive JW indoctrination, but he's bewildered as to what he should do next to try to help Michelle. What should he do? What would you do?

E-mail your 200-word or less suggestion to mattjpinto@aol.com, or mail it to "What Would You Do?," Envoy Magazine, P.O. Box 640, Granville, OH 43023.