What Would You Do? - Our Readers

This could BYU lose your son to the men on bikes.
What would you do in this situation? Readers solve the dilemma.

The scenario
Judy and Mike are a Catholic couple in their mid-40s. Their 21-year-old son Andrew, a junior at the local university, informed them last Saturday that he's considering becoming a Mormon. Amanda, the girl he's been dating for the last year, is a devout Mormon. She told him she would have to break off their relationship if he wouldn't join her church because she won't marry a non-Mormon. Andrew is in love with Amanda and doesn't want to lose her, so he's begun studying with Mormon missionaries and is seriously contemplating being baptized a Mormon. Judy and Mike are horrified. What should they do? What would you do?

The Mormon missionary program is designed to hurry people from the first contact to baptism and membership in their church, usually over about six weeks. Thus, I would suggest a "cooling off" period, and that the missionaries meet with a priest, together with the son and his parents. Mormon missionaries learn "dialogues," or structured lessons, which they prepare and give virtually verbatim. They aren't so glib when they get off their memorized dialogue.

The entire Mormon belief structure rests on their teaching that there was an "apostasy" [complete desertion] from the true Church. (Note: The missionaries will say their belief rests on the Book of Mormon and the prophetship of Joseph Smith, but the necessary pre-condition for those two teachings is that there has been a "falling away," so a "restoration" was needed.) You can bet the missionaries will (if they haven't already) use all the traditional Protestant anti-Catholic diatribes. But, some basic logic can help refute this, eg. Why would God set things up only so they would fall down? Why did God love the world so little that He would deprive it of His Church for 18 centuries until Joseph Smith? Why did Christ promise to be with His Church to the end of the earth [cf. Matt. 28:20, 16:18] if it was going to apostatize and be taken from the earth? And why do Mormon missionaries tell lies about the Catholic Church? If the Catholic Church were false, shouldn't they be able to disprove it with the truth?

Ask your son if the missionaries have discussed the more esoteric aspects of Mormonism, ie. (1) God used to be a man on an earth, just like us. He progressed to the point where He became a god and created this universe. God has a god that He worships. (2) God is married, in fact, He is a polygamist. God had relations with His wives to produce our spirits. (3) The goal of Mormon salvation is to become a god. Reference this to the story of the Fall in Genesis.

These doctrines are well-documented in Mormon theological writings, although in recent years there has been a deliberate effort to "tone them down" for public consumption.

Jackson County, Missouri (where I live), is the place Joseph Smith identified as the future City of Zion. He consecrated a "Temple Lot" in Independence. If you go there today, you will find three different sects occupying parts of that lot: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the Church of Christ, Temple Lot. Which one of these is the true church, as all of them believe in the Book of Mormon?

I lived in Utah for 17 years and I do not miss living "Behind the Zion Curtain" at all. The Mormons are very deceptive in their proselytizing practices, very cultish. Lots of love and prayer will be needed.
Robert Waldrop, Kansas City, MO

First of all, I would begin praying! The topic of his girlfriend's differing religion should have been broached earlier than this stage in the relationship. Since it has not, I would begin by asking the Holy Spirit to take over my words and I would pray that I could tactfully discuss the issue without my son viewing it as an attack on his girlfriend. Then I would pull out a copy of the Creed and begin by asking Andrew if he believes in God? The Father? Almighty? Maker of Heaven and Earth? Does he believe in Jesus Christ His only Son? And so on. I would try to help him realize how important his beliefs are to him.

Andrew also needs compassion. He may have to give up Amanda for God. He will be fearful, untrusting, mournful and angry. But I would sit with him and talk about Amanda's beliefs. We would discuss the differences between the Catholic and Mormon religions. And I would try to show where the books and doctrines of each Faith originated.

I would try to explain that the best way to love Amanda would be to bring her closer to Christ and His Catholic Church. I would also explain to Andrew that his strong faith in Christ and the Catholic Church may help convert Amanda to the truth.

If Andrew was defensive or unsure of his own beliefs, I would ask him to receive each of the Sacraments again before making a decision to become a Mormon. Then I would ask him to pray with me.

After our talk, I would begin fasting and sacrificing for him, as well as beginning a Novena to St. Monica and the Holy Spirit. Prayer is essential for Andrew's strength during this time. I would also begin praying for the conversion of Amanda.
Grace Kneeshaw, Grand Rapids, MI

First, I'd develop the following line of questions for Andrew, then I'd be prepared to listen.

"Andrew, do you realize that your leaving the Church would cause your mother and I a lot of pain?" More than likely, he may be already having some feelings regarding this situation. Listen closely to what he has to say. If no, then I would explain why this would be painful for my wife and I. If yes, then I would ask him the following question:

"Andrew, is Amanda aware of the pain and conflict that would arise from your leaving the Church?" If the answer is no, then ask Andrew if that is being fair to her, in keeping her uninformed about our feelings, possibly causing a hidden resentment in years to come. If the answer is yes, then it is time to drop the bombshell. "Andrew, what is Amanda giving up?"

Now it's time to fish or cut bait. If his answer is that she is giving up nothing, then it must be pointed out that this is nothing more than a manipulative test of Andrew's love. For if Amanda knew of the pain and suffering this would cause, and yet asked Andrew to do this or she would not marry him, then this woman does not love him. She is manipulating him, and we do not manipulate those whom we truly love. This must be pointed out as gently and lovingly and quietly as possible. He must not be told these things, but he must come to the realization of these things on his own through my guidance as his father.
David Milavickas, Paris, IL

First, they should quickly become informed on Mormonism through pamphlets, available from both Catholic and Protestant bookstores. That knowledge will enable the parents to ask Andrew intelligent questions regarding Mormon beliefs, some of which would assist in debunking some of the Mormon claims.

Second, they should point out to Andrew that his action concerning conversion appears to be a case of simply not wanting to lose Amanda. Andrew's insincere reaction to religion would be starting a marriage off on a bad note.

Third, his parents should discuss Catholicism with Andrew, for the purpose of bolstering the weak areas of his faith. Andrew should be asked to seriously consider, "Would Amanda be willing to convert to Catholicism, if Andrew was simply strong enough in his Catholic Faith, to ask?"
Bob Micca, Patchogue, NY

A couple of months ago, I would have only been able to suggest intense prayer to Judy and Mike. I still strongly suggest that Judy and Mike pray very hard, and fast on bread and water for their son, as prayer and fasting are extremely powerful.

I would also suggest that Judy and Mike write to St. Jude Media to get the free Catholic novel, Pierced by a Sword, by Bud MacFarlane Jr. This novel, in a very entertaining and fast-paced way, unveils the deception of the Mormon religion and the truth of our Catholic Faith.

I think if their son read it with an open mind, he would lose all desire to convert to the Mormon religion. The free novel can be obtained by sending a written request to: St. Jude Media, Box 26120, Fairview Park, OH 44126. A request form can also be downloaded from www.catholicity.com.
Laura C., Novi, MI

Next issue's scenario:

Anna is a committed Catholic who has four children ranging in ages 14 through 24. Her older children are all fairly strong in the Faith.

Her youngest child, Sarah, has been invited by her friends to attend the local Young Life group, which is a Protestant Evangelical youth ministry. The Young Life group has over a hundred teens in their program, which includes a weekly Bible study, and a host of social activities like ski trips and bonfires. Most of Sarah's peers in school go to Young Life, which is hosted by the area Baptist Church.

Anna's parish does not have a youth group. It only has CCD classes. The closest Catholic youth group, Life Teen, is located an hour away at St. James Church. It is very successful and effective at evangelization of youth.

Anna wants her child to be active in her Faith, but is afraid the local Young Life group may lead her daughter out of the Church. She's concerned that her daughter will associate a "good time" with "truth." She wonders whether she should allow Sarah to attend. What should she do? What would you do?

E-mail your 250-word or less suggestion to editor@envoymagazine.com, or mail it to "What Would You Do?", Envoy Magazine, P.O. Box 640, Granville, OH 43023.