Going The Distance - Patrick Madrid

Irony Sharpens Irony
New arrivals and new resolutions

This issue is packed with apologetics vitamins and minerals, and is especially high in irony. Our cover story, "Catholic Is Not Enough," is a good example. Tom Howard, a former Protestant, explains what it means to be a real "Catholic." Some years ago he authored the landmark book, Evangelical Is Not Enough, which chronicled his conversion to the Church. Becoming Catholic was bad enough, but his books publicly splashing around his reasons for doing so caused such a stir among Evangelicals that it cost him his job and not a few friends. He was asked to leave his position as professor of English literature at Gordon College, an Evangelical institution near Boston. Now, as a Catholic, he brings to bear the wisdom of a former outsider who shows us why being Catholic merely out of ethnicity, protest, or habit, is not what Christ wants. But don't worry. Tom isn't preaching. In fact, he anticipates what you might be thinking: "What a malcontent this man must be, readers may be pardoned for murmuring. What an ecclesiastical dyspeptic. Will nothing satisfy him? Is anything enough?" Toms answer begins on page 36.

Speaking of answers

Sincerity is a great excuse for silliness, and sometimes stupidity. A lot of folks who object to the Catholic Church are sincere but use arguments that are not well thought out. We all want to have a ready reply for reasonable objections, but what about those that are just plain kooky? Don't they deserve to be answered too? One such argument is making the rounds on the Internet. In an effort to disprove the Catholic doctrine of Mary's perpetual virginity, some Protestant apologists have latched onto an argument built on the Greek phrase: hešs hou. "Who?", you ask? At first glance, this argument might seem impressive, even unanswerable. But Fr. Ronald Tacelli, S.J., shows why its just a bunch of hooey. The fun starts on page 50.

And get this . . .

Imagine someone saying, "I don't personally agree with slavery (or nuclear war, or cruelty to animals, or whatever), but I don't have the right to force my morality on others." The absurdity of such a statement wouldn't be lost on anyone. So why isn't the absurdity of the various pro-abortion arguments similarly glaring? For example, have you noticed that radical feminists are the most vociferous screamers about keeping abortion "safe and legal"? The killing irony is that their rhetoric actually aids and abets the very people they despise: men. Men who rape, commit incest, and worse, are the cause of young women getting pregnant and often are the driving force behind those women aborting their unborn children. In his article "Baby Talk," veteran pro-life apologist Steve Kellmeyer walks you through eight typical arguments used by pro-abortion extremists. He cuts through all the doublespeak, shows how inconsistent these arguments are, and how you can respond to them charitably and effectively, without ever mentioning God or religion. He exposes the bizarre, unwitting alliance between radical feminists and men who commit sexual crimes against women: The feminist pro-abortion agenda actually shields these predators from punishment. Turn to page 18 for the details.

New arrivals

I'm proud to announce the addition of two new members to the Envoy team. Miss Zoe Romanowsky joins us as our Media Relations Coordinator. She's also a contributing editor, writing our "Friends in the Field" department. Zoe brings great talents in the field of media and communications, and you'll be seeing a lot of her work in the coming months. And say hello to Doug Reeves, our new Copy Editor. Doug is a professional copywriter and creative director in the gogo world of secular advertising. His duties will include editorial work, copywriting, proofreading and project management. To read more about Zoe and Doug, visit our Web site at http://www.envoymagazine.com and click on the "Meet the Staff" icon.

Some of my 1997 resolutions:

Here are the concrete ways that I, Patrick Madrid, pledge to make my status as an apologist more meaningful. I will . . .

1) Appear in public wearing a super hero outfit embroidered with gaudy "Faith and Works!" logo.
2) Speak only in Latin when around Protestant apologists (Pig Latin will annoy them too).
3) Announce loudly in public that all Catholics should be required to carry a copy of Envoy at all times as part of their "apologetics training program."
4) Follow certain Protestant apologists closely, sprinkling everything they touch with holy water.
5) Assemble a complex system of chains and winches and pulleys in my garage, and shout to my neighbors that I am the "New Torquemada of apologetics!"
6) Finish every sentence with, "That's what Dr. Scott Hahn says."
7) Begin every sentence with, "Dr. Scott Hahn says . . ."
8) Wear stylish leather double hip holsters for my Bible and Catechism.
9) Shout random Bible verses at the top of my lungs whenever Evangelical Protestants try to quote from Scripture.
10) Ask all Envoy subscribers to purchase 70 times seven gift subscriptions.

"What's the frequency, Gordon?"

Recently, Gordon B. Hinkley, the President, Prophet, Seer and Revelator of the Mormon Church was interviewed by the San Francisco Examiner & Chronicle. The following is an excerpt from that interview in which Hinkley was asked about differences between Catholic theology and Mormon theology:
Examiner: "There are some significant differences in your beliefs. For instance, don't Mormons believe that God was once a man?"
Hinkley: "I wouldn't say that. There was a little couplet coined, As man is, God once was. As God is, man may become. Now that's more of a couplet than anything else. That gets into some pretty deep theology that we don't know very much about."
Examiner: "Of course, the Roman Catholic Church has that same feeling (re: partial birth abortion). They also extend that to include their opposition to the death penalty and euthanasia. What are the Mormon Church's teachings on those two issues?"
Hinkley: "We have the death penalty in the state of Utah. That's a matter for the civil government. And its so handled. With reference to euthanasia, no, at this point at least, we haven't favored that. I'm not a fan of Jack Kevorkian. But were sensitive to the feelings of people, when they have conditions that seem terminal or hopeless" (emphasis added).
The Mormon Church promotes itself as the direct channel of divine revelation in our age. Mormons believe that their prophet, in this case Hinkley, receives direct direction from God. The irony is that the Mormon Church has repeatedly changed its teachings, sometimes in diametric opposition to an earlier "revelation" (examples include polygamy and the "Adam God" doctrine). This puts God in the unflattering position of appearing to change His mind with an unusual frequency. Is He fickle? Maybe, at least according to the Mormon Church. Historically, it has, at least ostensibly, opposed euthanasia, but now the door seems to be opening for a change in that stance. This would be just another tumble down the slippery slope of moral errors for the Mormon Church. For decades it promoted polygamy as a command revealed by God, then waffled under governmental and societal pressure, and finally, when the heat got too intense, scrapped it. Other examples are its stance on contraception and abortion. The Mormon Church freely permits contraception and, though it has historically condemned abortion as murder, lately it has softened and now allows abortion in the "case of incest, rape, and" yadda, yadda, yadda. If the Mormon Church eventually adopts euthanasia as acceptable, further moral horrors are not far behind. President Hinkley may be "no fan of Jack Kevorkian," at least for the moment. But I say he doesn't know Jack.

Another hero wins the crown

The Associated Press recently reported the following story: "A woman who refused cancer treatment until after the birth of her ninth child has died after 20 months of suffering with her illness. Margie Janovich was five months pregnant when she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Treatment at that time may have caused her to lose her child, so she decided to postpone treatment until giving birth. By the time she began chemotherapy the cancer had spread to the lining of her lungs and her breasts. She cared for her six sons and three daughters, teaching three of them at home, until three weeks before her death, when she had to be hospitalized. I would much rather give up my life for my baby, she said. Any good mother would do the same. I know there's a lot of them out there."